So, as I procrastinate studying for my finance  midterm, I thought I’d close out the end of  the saga (and I do mean SAGA) with letting  everyone know, rest assured, Post Offices,  Fedex Kinkos, UPS stores, DO exist in the zip  code 22206, believe it or not. I returned  home from my trip to Orlando to have a box  on my front step with the things I have been  asking for back now for over a month on my  door step…and the address label was even  written in “PC”‘s handwriting, which means he  actually MUST have gotten his butt up off the  couch, turned the X-BOX off, and found his  way to the nearest place that sends packages  (which happened to be across the street from  his place, as I saw it there when I was  visiting), and mailed it ALL ON HIS OWN. So, that chapter of my life has officially come to a  close, as there is no reason we’d ever have  contact again.

Worst. Sound. Ever.

So this past week I went to Orlando for my meeting and met my roommate (yup, we have roommates and they are also RANDOMLY chosen for us), and as we were both getting ready for bed she said “now I should let you know, I do snore”. The chills that went up my spine were as if she just told me she sleep walks, and there was a chance she may end up in my bed trying to spoon me (I also do not sleep in the bed with people…again, a whole different topic). I couldn’t even give a polite reply like “oh, it’s ok”, I just sat there silent, thinking to myself “How in the world do this many people snore??” My ex snored so loud I could hear him sleeping one flight of stairs above me. My ex in college slept during every movie we ever saw and snored horribly. The list goes on and on. Anyway, luckily she wore her breathe right strips, and I was so exhausted by the end of the day, I never heard a sound, and she was as sweet as she could be. (Side note: I did have a roommate once at a work meeting that stayed in the room while we all went out and finished every bottle in the mini bar. When I got in after being out in South Beach, the lights were out so I hopped in bed. After about 5 minutes she thought I was asleep, and got up and pulled the sheets/blanket up on MY bed up to my chin and literally tucked me in. I pretended I was asleep as I had no idea what to do…I felt like we were in a scene of Single White Female, and one false move and my life was over. So I let her pull the sheets up while I pretended to be asleep and she got back in her bed and went to sleep. At least she didn’t snore, I guess. To this day, my team refers to her as “The Tucker In’er” as none of us remember her name, me included.) The stories I could tell of roommates at work trips…nuts.

Apparently that is what is stamped across my forehead. I think its disgusting, but married men seem to love me for some reason. I can’t seem to find anyone I am interested in that doesn’t fall into one of those categories. Every time I do meet someone, he usually ends up being married (without a ring, of course), a ‘player’ and not into commitment/monogamy, or just a flat out jerk. I will say it is somewhat my fault, as I am very competitive, and up until the last year or so have only been interested in the “tall, handsome, All-American jock” that’s also driven, ambitious and smart. So that pretty much limits my selection pool to about 10 people world wide, and of those 10, I think all of them fall into my previous 3 categories. As my friend Kristy said it yesterday, “IF you are attracted to an a-hole, you are probably going to end up with an a-hole, because they ain’t changin’ for you.” Amen, sister.

So, my most recent adventure into Married Men land. I was going through the airport and had to pull my laptop out of my bag as I was going through security. I always dress casually when I am traveling, so with the exception of the computer, I certainly didn’t fit the mold as the typical “business traveler”. The guy behind me made some comment “It sure does suck having to always take that out of the bag, doesn’t it?”  I replied with a flat “yup”. Now I am by no means a snob, or rude, but I have found that if you give most men that are ‘strangers’ an inch of conversation, they interpret it that you are interested in them. I think I am the FURTHEST thing from a flirt, and my sisters would both probably say I could stand to be nicer to people I don’t know. So back to my story….so he goes on “you look like you are traveling somewhere fun”. (I had on running pants, a running shirt, a baseball hat and UGGS). “Um, yea. Should be” (without telling him where I am going, and the point being you could tell NOTHING of my destination by my attire. It wasn’t like I was in a Jimmy Buffett shirt, with a lei around my neck and a hat that screamed I was headed to Hawaii. My mom was ahead of me in line and just turned around in disgust at this guy. For once I was not told “be nice, Allison”, as she could see this guy was becoming quite the pest.  My mom forgot to take some expensive lotion (or something) out of her carry on, so had to run it all the way back to the post office in Hartsfield to mail it to where we were going so the security people wouldn’t throw it away. As I was just sitting on a bench having gone through the line waiting, I notice this man is just standing there.
A) First of all, lets talk about this man. He was ATLEAST 15-20 years older than me. He was married. He DID, in fact, have a ring on. The more I avoided conversation, the more he tried to talk to me. But my FAVORITE part of all was he was hitting on me in front of my mom. Classic move there, buddy. Classic.

So mom comes back and she and I start walking to our gate. He was just ahead and turns and says “do you mind if I walk with you?” Neither my mom nor I said anything but just kinda looked at him. I don’t remember what we talked about, but he talked the entire way to our terminal. OF COURSE, he was going to the same terminal as us. When we got to the entrance of the Crown Room I said “well, there is our stop, have a good trip” and he goes (again, IN FRONT OF MY MOM, “can I get your number?” My mom looked at me and goes “I am going inside to get a drink before our flight. I’ll see you in there” (Thanks for being such an awesome wing woman, mom….rule #1…NEVER LEAVE YOUR WING WOMAN.). So he asked again for my name, how to spell it, and my number. I usually give out my parents fax number, because I have it memorized and I don’t stumble when I am giving it out so they don’t know I am lying…but after a solid 5 attempts of him not even being able to get past how to spell my name I said “here, how’s this. You give me your card, and I’ll call you.” He said ok, handed his card and asked me for mine. Of course, I said I was fresh out. Ugh, at least that guy is gone.

So I go on my way and have a great vacation, and am at the airport to come home, this time by myself. I was giving my friend my cell phone number over the phone and a man within ear shot that was AT LEAST 60 says “can you slow down, I didn’t get the last 4 digits and I may like to call you sometime”.  Really buddy? That’s how you operate? Good luck with that one. I just looked at him and walked in the other direction.

Awhile later we are finally boarding for our flight home. As the line to board is just standing there, this older man asks me if I am headed home or just leaving. I say headed home after a good break. He asked what I did for a living and seemed pretty harmless, so I talked with him as we waited to get on the plane. When I mentioned I was getting my MBA, he asked if students ever bring “prospective students” to class with them for the evening. I said yes, but there is a process, and you have to go through the admissions office….but I’d be happy to give him the number. He asked for my number and I told him I’d prefer he contact me over email instead. So we exchange emails, get on the plane, and go on our way. This man was at least mid 50′s, also married. When we land in Atlanta, I turned my blackberry on and the first thing that came through was an email from a name I didn’t recognize. It said “It was so nice to meet you Allison. I’d love to come to sit in a class with you and then take you to dinner afterwards to thank you for your help”. I felt a weird feeling (as if someone was watching me) and I looked over my shoulder and he was one row back, 2 seats in, just staring…and when I looked at him he gave me a wave. Needless to say, when I got off the plane, I got out of there as fast as I could.

The next morning, I wake up to check a weeks worth of email, and guess who found me on facebook? That’s right, the old man from the flight out to Salt Lake City, more than a week before.  1 trip, 3 married old men = one good story to tell my friends in person.

Which brings me to this weekend. I was in Charleston last year for Easter weekend and met a guy at a bar that was with our mutual group of friends. He was HILARIOUS. I literally laughed all night. He asked if he could walk me back to my hotel (with my friends) and we said yes, as a bunch of girls didn’t want to walk alone on Folly beach. He asked for my number, and he entertained me over text the entire drive home the next day. No ring on his finger. No mention of a wife or family. So we started talking regularly and I asked how old he was and he said 34. I asked if he’d ever thought about marriage one day and he said “I WAS married for 8 years”. I said “Oh, when did it end?” His response? “It didn’t. I’m married. But it’s not what you think. We do our own thing”. SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY. Let’s just say I went OFF on him. He still texts me to this day, and recently sent me a picture of his new baby boy. I feel sorry for that kid. In the text with the picture of his kid, I did mention I was headed to Charleston to see my friend this weekend. He asked if we could “get together and hang out this weekend” and I said “are you still married?” he wrote back “yes”, then I wrote back “then no.” He wanted to know why not, and I said because “clearly you don’t know the definition of marriage-it usually involves a ring, loyalty, trust, and not hitting on a girl in a bar, getting her number and failing to mention you have a wife at home.” He actually had the nerve to write back “that’s just crazy talk. No married men I know act like that.” Really? I know one. My dad.  Awesome that’s the way guys are these days. Can’t wait to say “I do”.

Last one for now. First job in Pharmaceutical sales, and met this guy that was all of the above categories…tall, athletic, driven, smart, ambitious, NICE, funny…you name it. I fell quickly for this kid and hard. We talked all day, every day over text, as he lived about two hours from me. We’d meet for lunch half way between us once or twice during the week (he even made me TWO ‘mixed tapes’-HA! and saw each other all the time for work meetings. He would call me from wedding receptions, pass the phone around to all his friends so I could “meet” (them over the phone)…I thought he was SUCH an awesome guy. I finally found a solid guy I could trust! This was heaven! This went on for about 4 months. Whenever I asked him what he did the night before or over the weekend, he always said “my roommate and I went…..or my roommate and I….” Call me stupid (clearly I was not seeing the big, red, blinking flag in my face), but out of the blue one day I said, “I know all your friends, all your family, and I don’t think you’ve ever told me what your roommates name is.” And he was silent. That’s about when it hit me….I said “wait a second…are you married???” Everyone at work knew we were “together”, all my friends knew, and so did his. His reply? “Not exactly”. I said “you better explain what “not exactly means and you better do it FAST” and he said “I’m engaged”. I said “Is your “roommate” your fiancé?” He said “Yes, but it’s not what you think. I don’t love her, I am not IN LOVE with her, I got pressured into getting engaged because all our friends were getting married, I didn’t want to, I know I made a mistake, and I am calling it off”.  I actually did believe that for a split second, because why else would he introduce me to EVERYONE if he thought he was going to marry this other girl? We talked all day, every day, from 7am until bed time? How could he swing that if he lived with the girl? He at least did answer those questions, which helped with the closure part instead of leaving me wondering ‘why’ or in this case ‘how’ like the last guy did, and told me he called in the morning after she left for work, and then at night he called me to and from his way to the gym, when he walked the dog, and always when he took out the trash after dinner. She never suspected a thing, and until it dawned on me I didn’t know his roommates name, neither did I.   I told him not to call me until the wedding was totally CALLED OFF, but if and when that happens, he was welcome to call me and we could talk.  The next time I heard from him, he was calling to tell me he had a baby on the way. Now he is married with two toddlers. So much for calling that wedding off. I do at least hope they are happy. Seriously.

So that’s my experience with men up to this point. I think instead of saying “I do”, I will keep saying “I don’t”.

I have ZERO musical talent. I can’t sing, can’t write songs, can’t dance, and can’t carry a beat. That’s probably why I would say I have an obsession with music, or a great respect, at least. I think music is the one thing that can really get to your core, and can connect people from all backgrounds, races, religions, ethnicities and social status’. What one song means to someone else can be as meaningful to another person on the other side of the world, but for a totally different reason, which I find so incredible. For as long as I can remember, I have been super interested in song lyrics. I never just listen to the song or the beat. That may be what initially catches my attention, but then I go to www.azlyrics.com, look up the song, and see what the songwriter is saying, or the story they are telling. It amazes me that no matter what your situation, what your feeling-whether happy, sad, angry, alone…someone has been there and there is a song out there somewhere that can make you feel like there is someone that ‘gets it’. When I went through several friends’ deaths I remember being SO angry because I didn’t feel like anyone understood HOW I felt or WHY I felt what I did…and no matter how wonderful my friends and family were, I still felt so alone in the healing process. To some extent, it is the same feeling as when I’ve been going through a break up. But there are certain songs out there that I feel are empowering, speak to what I am feeling, and just let you know that someone has been there before and they got through it. Clint Black sings a song that goes “Ain’t it funny how a melody can bring back a memory, take you to another place in time, it can even change your state of mind”. I LOVE that line, because even just typing it, I remember the very first time I heard that song in college and felt like totally felt the same way about songs. Hearing a song can take you back to a time that was happy, sad, a learning experience, etc. This is why I have so much respect for people like 19 year old Taylor Swift. She writes every single one of her songs. Not just the lyrics-the music, (every instrument), the lyrics, she designs the videos, etc. I love to write, and I feel like what writing songs does for her therapeutically is what I think writing whatever comes to mind will do for me with this blog. Pink is another great songwriter. Its great to have an awesome voice, but most people don’t know the singer RARELY writes the song…so I think its even better to be able to put down into lyrics a song that relates to people, gets people thinking (John Mayer “Waiting on the World to Change”), or just touches someone in a way that nothing else could. I love music, have always loved music, and probably will love lyrics. Kenny Chesney’s “Anything but mine”, Sugarland’s “Stay”? You can’t get much better lyrically than those. At least that’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it.

I have a HUGE issue with men that don’t wear a wedding ring. If you commit to someone for the rest of your life, you’d think you can commit to wearing a band around your finger. It’s a sign of respect for your wife, it signals all other women you are taken, and it’s just nice to see it when you know the guy is married. Guys who use the  excuse “I don’t like jewelry” flat out piss me off,  because if you cant get past putting a small band  around your ring finger, than you certainly cant  commit to a woman for the rest of your life. There  is nothing that irritates me more, and will set me  off faster than a guy hitting on me, no ring, and  then I ask (because it happens where the men are  married I have learned to ask, ring or not) if he is married and he says SOME variation of “yes”. It could be “kinda”, “we’re working things out”, and “we are, but it’s not what you think”…bottom line is the answer is YES, PERIOD. There is nothing that can follow the “yes” in that answer that will justify the flirting, or hitting on at that point…other than a guy trying to cheat or if he’s not, just reassure himself “he’s still got it”.  It’s not totally a one way street, girls cheat too, but they usually just keep their ring on, and don’t even bother hiding it. I was at a beer fest not too long ago and a girl had a T shirt on that said “50% single”, and she had a ring on, and she was hitting on someone half her age. Total cougar, and we all laughed at it, but it is much more married men hitting on the single girls. GUYS: if you aren’t ready to wear the ring, you aren’t ready to get married. End of story.

Elizabeth, Danyelle and I at the Canyons in Park City

Stephanie and I in Cancun

Brittney and I at the Kentucky Derby

Me and my Godson Tommy at his First Communion

The family at Mothers Day brunch at the Peabody

The family aboard the Disney Magic on Formal Night

Pirate night on our cruise

At the Atlantis in the Bahamas

Robby and I at Castaway Cay Island

The family in Grand Cayman

Everyone in Key West

James, Brittney, Me, and Taylor in Charleston

Continue reading »